


all gonna shift

by intherubble



Category: iKON (Kpop)
Genre: 5 Times, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-23
Updated: 2015-01-23
Packaged: 2018-03-08 18:24:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3218870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intherubble/pseuds/intherubble
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jinhwan’s the best of them with his words, knows how to speak his mind plainly in a way you can’t resent him for, the one that keeps the three of them awake in the middle of the night murmuring his passing thoughts into the dark. But Jinhwan has never spoken a word of this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	all gonna shift

9

Hanbin’s gotten good at picking up the signs now. He spends so much of his time with his eyes trained on all of their movements and expressions sometimes it’s hard to turn it off. Knows the exact slant of Yunhyeong’s mouth that means he’s pushed his body as far as it'll go for the day (but will keep at it if Hanbin asks it of him), the hunch of Donghyuk’s shoulders that means he’s thinking about his father, the curl of Junhwe’s brow that means he could use a word of praise to keep him from lashing out from all the critiques. The tilt of Jinhwan’s chin that means he won’t push Hanbin away if he moves to kiss him.

To be fair sometimes the signs aren’t altogether subtle, but Jinhwan can still manage be understated while pointed. Casual mentions of what the others are doing until something ticks in Hanbin’s brain that by process of elimination they’re alone, an angle of his head towards the door that seems too exaggerated to be unconscious and then never seemingly surprised when Hanbin follows after two minutes later and presses him to the nearest flat surface.

The door of their little studio off the practice room snicks shut behind Jinhwan as Hanbin glances up from the keyboard he’s been in a staring contest with. Jinhwan’s eyes flick behind him but it’s not like he can see anything past the frosted glass pane, Hanbin’s legs spin him in his chair of their own volition so his focus is on Jinhwan instead of the rough track he’s supposed to have cleaned up and emailed away for review by midnight.

Jinhwan takes the snapback, most likely Bobby’s, he’s wearing off by the brim and shakes out his hair, hand ruffling through the sweaty strands. And could look like he’s just decompressing after a lesson but when he tosses the hat down on the desk next to Hanbin it lands neatly over the discreet camera nestled next to the computer monitor. Crews had come around setting them up the other day but the red light next to the lens had yet to be turned on. He doesn’t say anything as he sprawls into the corner of the tiny couch against the wall though it doesn’t take more than the slight pull of his mouth to one side and his eyebrows raising before Hanbin’s on his feet and taking the two steps to close the distance.

One of Hanbin’s knees settles onto the couch next to Jinhwan, Jinhwan’s eyes flicking from it back up to Hanbin’s face evenly, not giving anything away. Even when he’s hovering over Jinhwan like this, his broader shoulders boxing him in, Hanbin never feels the extent of their size difference. Feels like Jinhwan could reach out and knock him over with one finger Hanbin’s so hesitant and unsure. But when Jinhwan’s chin lilts up at him he knows it’s an invitation and not a challenge and Hanbin’s takes it, hand finding the curve of Jinhwan’s jaw and leaning in.

-

Jinhwan’s the best of them with his words, knows how to speak his mind plainly in a way you can’t resent him for, the one that keeps the three of them awake in the middle of the night murmuring his passing thoughts into the dark. But Jinhwan has never spoken a word of this.

-

2

_He has to know_ , Hanbin thinks, _he_ knows _but what if he doesn’t_ … “You were my first kiss.” Hanbin closes his eyes and is thankful it’s dim enough with just the light from the sliding door filtering in that Jinhwan can’t see the mottled flush creeping up his neck, wonders when he’ll be anything other than an awkward fumbling teenager offstage. If he could rewind thirty seconds he’s already thought of four different, smoother ways he could’ve put that.

“What?” Jinhwan asks with a huff, in that way that means he heard perfectly well but is filling the silence while he chooses what to say. It’s one of those rare times they’re alone with some quiet without having to had consciously tried for it. “Really?” Jinhwan lowers the volume on his phone so the music playing through the headphones connecting their ears is a low murmur.

He’d come to ask what Hanbin thought of a song he’d picked to practice with. _Heartfelt rn’b, typical_ , Hanbin had thought with an internal crooked smile. “I like it, it’s good. Let me hear that intro again,” he’d said.

Usually it was the three of them huddled around Bobby’s beat-up laptop or one of the stereos in the practice room playing each other songs, debating their merits or most of the time Bobby just jumping up and down like he was in a club whenever a beat dropped. But this is good too. Laid out on their backs on Hanbin’s twin bed, the light of Jinhwan’s phone making the slope of his cheek glow in the dimness as he sings along under his breath. Hanbin reaches over occasionally to scroll through Jinhwan’s mp3’s, looking for something with an attitude and their fingers bump, but Jinhwan swats him away before he can ever find anything. If Jinhwan realized he was keeping Hanbin away from the few hours of sleep he’d allowed himself for the day he’d probably feel bad, then pinch the side of Hanbin’s neck with his surprisingly strong fingers for not taking better care of himself. Hanbin certainly wasn’t going to tell him.

“Yeah,” Hanbin tries not to stutter it out as two syllables. Jinhwan still isn’t looking at him, just staring up at the ceiling with a bemused sort of smile on his face.

"Don't be stupid." Jinhwan knocks a fist against Hanbin's chest and leaves it there. He says it like he thinks Hanbin’s joking. Like Hanbin hasn't told him about every girl he's ever thought about confessing to, every time he'd spent another night in the basement of the trainee building instead, another notebook page filled with impotent words and feelings.

"I'm not," Hanbin says huffily, now that he's managed to get the words out of his mouth he wants the conversation to actually happen. Uncertainty’s bled into so much of everything lately but Jinhwan's something he's always been so sure of, known he's meant to fit into Hanbin's life like something important slotting into place. Hanbin just wonders now whether he knows how exactly.

A possibility hits Hanbin then, that Jinhwan doesn't mean he doesn't believe him but that he doesn't think Hanbin should count it. That he'd just been trying to make Hanbin feel better, hadn't thought anything of it and is amused Hanbin’s apparently hung up on it.

The idea makes something petulant kick in Hanbin's chest. He hadn't imagined it, the way Jinhwan's fingers had trembled the barest amount when they'd tilted Hanbin's chin down, Jinhwan's eyelashes still damply clumped with tears fluttering shut. If Jinhwan tells him it hadn't meant anything Hanbin knows he'll close in on himself. In his head an idealized version of himself takes Jinhwan's wrist and sweetly murmurs some line about how Jinhwan can’t change how Hanbin feels. Instead he can already feel the sulk brewing in his stomach.

"You were," is what Hanbin manages to mumble stubbornly, hoping the sullenness clogging his throat hasn't soaked into the words. Jinhwan's hand moves from where it'd been resting on Hanbin's chest. It's small but the weight of it feels significant on Hanbin's breastbone, Jinhwan's knuckles dragging back and forth idly. And maybe it’s meant to soothe Hanbin preemptively because a second later Jinhwan lets out a soft sounding laugh.

Hanbin gives in then to the instinct he'd been fighting to turn to look at Jinhwan, so close up he can see the gentle rise of the mole on his cheek. Jinhwan's eyes are still unfocused on the ceiling like his mind is miles away and suddenly Hanbin is sitting up to his elbows because he's right here and needs Jinhwan to at least look at him. His clumsy shift doesn't make Jinhwan's hand fall though and his knuckling over the fabric of Hanbin's shirt is like a snake charm to the thrash of emotion in Hanbin’s chest. From this angle Hanbin can see Jinhwan is grinning more than anything, like he’s pleased with something.

"Sorry," Jinhwan murmurs, his eyes finally blinking to focus on Hanbin hovering over him, "I'm just..." Jinhwan’s hand rises up past Hanbin’s chin until Hanbin can feel the tip of Jinhwan's finger trailing the line of his bottom lip. He isn't smiling anymore.

Jinhwan’s neck cranes up the same time his palm slides to cradle the corner of Hanbin’s jaw to coax him down. He kisses Hanbin’s bottom lip, the corner of mouth, his cupid’s bow, each one less deliberate than the last but every one feeling so steeped with intention Hanbin knows he’ll be laying awake later replaying them in his mind for every minute detail. Hanbin’s eyes stay dazedly open, Jinhwan low liddedly watching him between the kisses he peppers to Hanbin’s mouth.

Jinhwan’s head flops back to the pillow with a strained sounding huff. “How many was that?” He asks, his hand smoothing down Hanbin’s neck until his palm is flat over Hanbin’s heart. Jinhwan smiles up at him with that small subdued curve of his lips that still always manages to reach his eyes and make them unreadable. _Eight_ , Hanbin thinks, but desn’t waste the time it would take to say it.

Their mouths meet smoothly, like Jinhwan had been expecting the way Hanbin would swoop down too eagerly, Jinhwan’s fingertips steadying at the hollow of Hanbin’s throat to hold him at a good distance. Hanbin is still unsure in his coordination, neck taught to kiss Jinhwan without rolling on top of him and fingers fumbling to with the earbuds to toss them aside. But Jinhwan sits up more to accommodate him, pulls back for a hushed moment where just their noses skate together before kissing Hanbin with a sharp inhale as their lips seal.

The warm softness of Jinhwan’s mouth against his, the disarming familiarity of the smell of Jinhwan’s skin, have Habin easing into the rhythm of it. He huffs shakily when Jinhwan’s teeth nip at his bottom lip, Hanbin’s tongue lapping out at the sting and feeling the heat in his gut when Jinhwan’s tongue is there to meet it. He noses closer so Jinhwan can lick into his mouth. Hanbin's hand cups the side of Jinhwan's face and his thumb feels the movement through Jinhwan's cheek.

They kiss slow and sedate, Hanbin learning the feel of Jinhwan's mouth against his with as much care and raptness as he gives any of his lessons. The pace sometimes quickens when the small noises Jinhwan lets out from the back of his throat get Hanbin too riled and eager but Jinhwan eases him back down with pacifying closed mouth kisses and nuzzles against Hanbin's cheek.

-

(Hanbin likes to remember it like that, a fade to black with Jinhwan’s soft hand at his hipbone and Jinhwan’s high cheekbones tinged with flush when Hanbin pulls away to look. The reality is Bobby elbowing the door open to Hanbin half over Jinhwan on one elbow and barely pausing for a beat before he’s whooping. “Oooh, ooh, ooh,” flopping onto the bed next to them. Jinhwan pulls back with a snort, laughing when Bobby obnoxiously juts his ballooned cheek out towards them. Jinhwan’s mouth is red and Hanbin wants to be kissing him again.

“C’mon,” Bobby taps his cheek and leans a little closer, “me too. I’m not leaving ‘til I get one.” Jinhwan’s apparently in a good mood because he doesn’t hesitate to surge up and plant a smack on the side of his cheek, snickering when Bobby pulls a slightly disgusted face at the wet sound it makes. It doesn’t deter him for long though. “Hanbin-ah?” Bobby simpers and tilts his chin towards him with his eyebrows raised and an exaggerated pout.

Hanbin looks at him, trying to make his expression as unamused as he is. He glances to Jinhwan but he’s just watching Hanbin with this beguiled glint, his teeth biting the corner of his mouth waiting to see what Hanbin will do. Bobby blinks at him expectantly so Hanbin huffs out his nose and leans in. But Bobby swings his face towards him at the last second so Hanbin’s kiss lands on the corner of his mouth.

“Ahah!” He crows, hopping up, “that’ll do.” He pats Hanbin’s cheek sharply for good measure before bounding out of the room, Hanbin just blinking and trying to suppress the instinct to jump at him.

Hanbin could cry from frustration when he turns back to Jinhwan only to see him combing his hair back with a hand and sitting up. “You should get some sleep,” he says softly, tilting his head at him and running a fingertip along Hanbin’s under-eye. Hanbin wants to ask him to stay but he doesn’t trust it not to come out pleading so he keeps quiet. His eyes slide closed when Jinhwan presses a kiss to his brow before easing off the bed and to the door.

Hanbin doesn’t tell Jinhwan he stays awake for hours in the dark, writes the rough draft of five verses on the insides of his eyelids. But Hanbin’s sure by now Jinhwan will know anyway.)

-

They don’t talk about it. Hanbin’s feelings get simpler and more complex all at once.

-

6

Sometimes Hanbin feels like Bobby understands what’s happening between Jinhwan and him better than he does. But Bobby’s always been better at understanding without explanation, hand finding the back of Hanbin’s neck and squeezing when Hanbin gets too caught in his own head.

Hanbin’s thankful to Bobby for a lot of things he’ll never actually put words to, pulling Donghyuk into a headlock when he’s heading for where Hanbin are Jinhwan are tucked away or making loud distractions when Jinhwan’s mouth is too red and clothes too rumpled to be innocent is just another thing to add to the list.

-

Hanbin doesn’t need to count to know how many times Jinhwan’s been the one to make the first move. Doesn’t mean he can help numbering them out as he taps his fingers _One, two, three_.. against a soundboard.

-

16

No one could fault Jinhwan for occasionally wanting to not be the oldest person in a room not giving orders and ultimatums. It’s not unusual for Hanbin to spend nights in the studio so there’s no one to say he’s sulking those times Jinhwan pulls on a beanie and says he’s getting dinner with Mino and Taehyun. It’s not information Hanbin’s entitled to but Jinhwan gives it freely.

A lot of things about the end of _WIN_ were bittersweet, some more former than the latter but the sweetest was probably the return of their cellphone privileges. They’re still on a social media black out but Hanbin knows Bobby spends hours with instagram open, an absent thumb indolently scrolling his brother’s feed. Spending twelve hours a day in a room together means there isn’t much for them to text each other, Junhwe mostly uses his for the front facing camera and Donghyuk distracts himself on breaks with colorful puzzle games.

Hanbin doesn’t have many people in his contacts but he still leaves his phone face up on the desk next to the keyboard as he works, expecting (hoping for) it when the screen lights up with ‘JINAN HYUNG’ just a few hours before sunrise, Hanbin’s eyes starting to sting from the artificial light of the sound mixing program. It’s just a text message saying ‘ _you in the practice room_ ’ spelled slightly wrong with no question mark.

His response confirming it is mostly made of various hand gesture emojis. He figures it’ll be enough to mollify Jinhwan’s clucky instinct, probably came home to Hanbin’s empty bed in the next room and was looking for his regular assurance Hanbin hadn’t been abducted in the six block span from the trainee building to the dorm. Hanbin hits send and slips his phone into his pocket. Jinhwan probably won’t respond. At most he’ll send a ‘good night’ with a selca of his faced mushed into a pillow that Hanbin likes to save to look forward to opening on the walk back, no headphones in his ears so the soft quiet of the night focuses in on Jinhwan’s delicate features.

What Hanbin gets instead is the frosted glass door of the small room pushing open, making him start.

“Yah,” Jinhwan’s bright voice, the door closing as his hands fumble with it behind his back. He says it again. “Yah,” more muted, like he knows he already has Hanbin’s attention and just wants to bask in it. His cheeks look pink and wind chapped under his beanie but his eyes are wide, glassy. The bite of soju and the smolder of a grill still clings to him enough Hanbin can smell it from where he sits.

Hanbin stretches his arms over his head and slowly swivels to face him in his chair, lifts his snapback off his head to ruffle his loose hair before setting it back into place, not wanting to give Jinhwan the satisfaction of letting on his sudden presence had his heart jolting in his chest. He’s ready to let himself be dragged home though. Hanbin blows his lips out in a huff and sinks down in the chair with his head lolling to the side, pouting up at Jinhwan in the way Jinhwan usually takes for the cue it is that Hanbin’s giving a rare invitation to be coddled. But Jinhwan just stands there with his eyes raking over Hanbin’s face as something slowly changes in the shadows of his expression.

Jinhwan pushes off the wall in a smooth motion that belies the tipsy slant of his grin. In two steps he’s straddling Hanbin, knees on either side of Hanbin’s hips and kisses him in one go, the tip of his nose still cold from the winter chill outside when it bumps Hanbin’s cheek. He pulls back after one closed mouth press to Hanbin’s lips, Hanbin’s hands clutching at the arms of the chair to keep from curling in Jinhwan’s sweater, but Jinhwan just reaches to grab for Hanbin’s snapback and tosses it over his shoulder looking pleased with himself. Hanbin thinks for a second maybe that’s all his intention had been, was being drunk and playful and this is just a game to Jinhwan, unprepared for the way Jinhwan threads his fingers through his bangs to grip and pull him in by a second later.

The times Jinhwan allows him, Hanbin kisses Jinhwan slow and deliberate. Cradles his jaw and tries to mold his mouth into the feelings thrumming in his chest. Always careful, savoring the short minutes he doesn’t know when he’ll get to have again of Jinhwan’s soft breathing against his cheek. But this was new, different. Jinhwan’s mouth is rough on Hanbin’s, tilts Hanbin’s head to the angle he wants from the grip he has at his scalp and surges forward when Hanbin tries to pull back, teeth biting at Hanbin’s bottom lip and sinking in to pull til it’s stretched between them. Hanbin’s gasp sounds wounded even to his own ears but Jinhwan laves his tongue to it to ease the hurt.

Jinhwan’s knees shuffle so he’s firmer in Hanbin’s lap and Hanbin’s hands ease their grip on the chair, hover over the small of Jinhwan’s back hesitantly while he lets himself be kissed. His whole body’s flooding with a heat that makes him dumb and sluggish, mouth falling open to let Jinhwan’s tongue push into it. There’s an obscene wet sound when Jinhwan moves to drag his lips down Hanbin’s chin, leaves a trail of kisses on the line of his jaw til he’s at the corner of it and Hanbin’s neck and lays his teeth into the soft skin there. Hanbin sucks in a shuddery breath and his fingers finally curl in the fabric of Jinhwan’s sweater, twisting it up and gripping Jinhwan in his lap. The bite Jinhwan gives him isn’t long enough to leave a lingering mark and Hanbin’s head turns to meet him his time when he goes for Hanbin’s mouth again, less feverish now in the way he kisses him but no less thorough.

Hanbin’s able to keep up better, pushes up instead of just letting Jinhwan press him back into to the chair. His hand flattens against the small of Jinhwan’s back and the other curls up to fit to the side of Jinhwan’s cheek. Until Jinhwan rakes his fingers through Hanbin’s hair and rocks his hips down in a smooth motion. Hanbin’s insides go molten all over again and he lets out the most pitiful sounding whine that has Jinhwan pulling away from his lips with an amused little huff.

Their foreheads press together, Jinhwan’s nose bumping Hanbin’s and leaning in for quick kisses from Hanbin’s slack mouth while he keeps up the rolling of his hips at a languid pace. Hanbin’s hands clutch helplessly at Jinhwan’s sides and _wants_ so much he’s lightheaded. But before he can put words to any of it, like he’s always futilely trying to, Jinhwan slows in his lap. He let’s out a sigh Hanbin doesn’t know how to make sense of but doesn’t stop distractingly dragging his nails against Hanbin’s scalp.

“This is bad, Hanbin-ah,” he says quietly, sounding resigned, and Hanbin’s heart would’ve sunk if it wasn’t already in his throat. He doesn’t know what could possibly be bad about this, Jinhwan was a warm grounding weight on top of him and Hanbin doesn’t know any other place he’d rather be. He’s at too much of a loss to make any attempt to keep Jinhwan in his lap when he moves to slip away but Jinhwan doesn’t go far, stays standing over Hanbin between his legs.

Hanbin’s head falls forward pathetically so it thunks on the soft of Jinhwan’s stomach. His thoughts are a mess trying to figure out what’s going on between them, but it’s hard to sort through any of it when the person who always talks him through these things is the one staying quiet and making him confused and unsure. Jinhwan’s hand comes up to pet the back of Hanbin’s head and it’s a small comfort. But when Jinhwan shakily exhale’s Hanbin’s eyes can’t help falling down to wear he can see Jinhwan straining in his jeans and it makes this hot flush surge through Hanbin so suddenly he has to close his eyes against it. It’s not just him, he knows it, he could so easily just reach up…

“Hanbin,” Jinhwan murmurs again sounding on the edge of pleading. Hanbin lifts his chin to look at him, head tilting to the side to press into it like a sullen child when Jinhwan’s palm strokes over his temple. “You know how I feel about you,” he starts.

“No,” Hanbin rasps, needing to actually hear it, “I don’t.” He meets Jinhwan’s gaze unwaveringly, feeling vulnerable but Jinhwan’s looking it just as much with his big eyes blinking down at him.

“I want you.” Jinhwan says plainly and carefully after a moment like it should be obvious and Hanbin is being obtuse. “I want to be around you. I want your attention. I want us to still be together in the future,” he gives Hanbin’s forehead a shove with his fingertip, “I want to kiss you, you idiot.”

“...Yeah?” Is all Hanbin manages, trying not to grin up at Jinhwan too self-satisfiedly with his chin still digging into Jinhwan’s belly, his arms coming up to wrap around his waist even though he knows Jinhwan will probably try to wriggle out of his grip any second. There’s a subdued smile teasing at the corner of Jinhwan’s mouth but there’s a sad tinge, keeping the warmth in Hanbin’s chest from blooming full force. _This is bad_ he hears echo in his head. “This can work,” Hanbin mumbles, almost to himself. “It is.. it will,” like having feelings for his bandmate is a balancing act he can practice until he gets it just right, til it won’t collapse in on them.

Jinhwan sighs and strokes back the loose hairs away from Hanbin’s forehead, mouth twisting but no words coming from it.

-

1

Losing hurts more than Hanbin thought it would. Except in all honestly Hanbin had never really thought about losing, had been so _confident_ about it, about them. But the numbness in the aftermath feels like a chunk of him is missing, lopped off and leaving him reeling. They all cry. Yunhyeong’s chest shaking tears, Junhwe’s silent sobs that he fights against letting out. Hanbin hates the way he can’t stop his chin from wobbling, gasping and bawling like a child until he can get his breathing under control.

Jinhwan finds him hunched in on himself backstage after the cameras stop rolling, heels of his palms pressed to his eyes. Hanbin knows it’s him from the inhale and then slow shaky exhale he hears, knows Jinhwan will have pulled his bottom lip between his teeth after.

“I just…,” Hanbin starts, not pulling his hands away from his face. _..want to be alone. ...can’t look at you right now. ... I’m sorry_. None of it comes out.

It's happens in an instant, but when Hanbin thinks back on everything from that night this one moment drags out in his memories like slow motion. Jinhwan takes his wrist in one hand and his chin in the other, kisses Hanbin with his lips damp and tasting like the lingering salt of his tears.

-

+

Hyejung-noona having them over for dinner is one of the few bright spots of their dorm life. Hanbin’s lucky enough to be able to see his mother every few weeks but whenever they get the invitation Bobby usually falls to his knees gratefully at the idea of a home cooked meal. For Hanbin it’s more the feeling he gets on the way back, his stomach full to the brim but his thoughts lighter than they've in weeks.

He and Jinhwan lingered later than the others tonight, helping Hyejung with the dishes while listening to Tablo talk, Hanbin glancing over at Haru playing in the living room and counting the days since he’s seen Hanbyul.

Their dorm’s only a few floors below so they take the stairs, Hanbin trying to slide down the bannister at one point but nearly face planting into the landing to the sound of Jinhwan’s laughter.

“Yah, loser,” Jinhwan calls with his voice sounding warm and clear. Hanbin turns to find Jinhwan standing on the last step above him, it gives him the slightest height advantage and he uses it to flick the tag hanging from Hanbin’s hat. Hanbin blinks at him expectantly until Jinhwan huffs with his eyes narrowing like Hanbin's intentionally testing his patience then hooks a finger in the collar of his shirt to pull him in by.


End file.
